Rate out of 10:  4 – its unique for its coffee shops with weed and red light district however very seedy and not a fat lot else that interested me there.

Funniest /most memorable moment: Kal disappearing when drunk and us actually finding out what had happened to him.


Ok so Amsterdam surely has to be on most people’s lists to visit? It just had to be done.

I visited Amsterdam in May with 2 of my work colleagues. We booked a dodgy looking hotel on Dam Square. Now what you are about to read is the first (and hopefully the last) time I want to experience this.

We arrived early (around 9am) so couldn’t check in. We dropped the bags off at reception and the guys suggested lets go straight to a coffee bar. We found one and straight away we saw the different types of weed you can buy. Not knowing a lot about the “general” layout of the menu we just ordered number 1 , 2 and 3…I cant remember them all but Bubblegum and AK47 were among them. We all had our chosen role ups and started to smoke…. We then decided to “share” ours with each other. Tesh looked monged!

Now at first I started to feel as you do ( mellow and chilled) but nothing unusual. We started to get the munchies and headed out to McDonalds. We got the meal sat down and ate. . NOW THIS IS WHEN IT HAPPENED. All of a sudden half way through my burger I started to see double of Tesh (my mate opposite me). It was like my mind had a delayed reaction. Looked to the left – still saw Tesh, looked to the right – still saw Tesh.

Now this kept happening to me and it started to freak me out. I told the guys I needed to go back to hotel.. walked for abit then started to feel like I was gunna pass out. The guys grabbed me we went outside and they had to sit me down on a bench. I then started to get paranoid as thought the pigeons were flying at me, then started looking around me really fast. Kal ran to nearest newsagents and got me a bottle of water.. I told him to tip it all over me so he did (lol). I could sense that part of me was still sane so started to pinch myself to bring me back to reality..but unfortunately the stuff I had smoked was way too strong for me. The guys decided they needed to get me to the hotel quickly. They picked me up sat me down in reception , told the bird that we needed to get me in hotel, she luckily let us check in early. Went upstairs and passed out on the bed. Told Tesh and Kal to go out to the town without me. I woke up a few hours later and thought spiders were running up and down me and managed to get back to bed. Few hours later decided to go out with the lads to see how I was, but within minutes the feeling came back and had to go back to bed. Basically the first day there I stayed in bed! – Wounder!

Next day was spent wandering around and getting to know the place. Luckily I had recovered now and was ready to rock n roll. We hit Grasshoppers. This is a famous place which has 2 floors in Dam Square. It serves great coffee with cream and you can have a smoke . I also tried space cake!– I took it easy.

We then went to a few more bars around the place. One thing I learnt about Amsterdam is that cars don’t really exist.. Their method of transport is BIKES! Bikes to your right, bikes to the left.. theres so many feckin bikes!!!

It got later and we found a bar named “TEASERS”. Once inside we saw lot of nice looking girls with t shirts on saying “teasers” as bar staff. No Guys working there at all. I think this is like the “HOOTERS” bar throughout the world too. We stayed in here all night. Such a great atmosphere. The girls come over and chat to your, dance with ya whilst there working and getting drinks. We had a lot of laughs there! Got chatting to lots of people including a Chinese dude and even the toilet attendant!

It got late and Tesh was feeling sick so since our hotel was on the same road I offered to take him back to hotel whilst Kal stayed with this Chinese dude we had met. Took Tesh back and he stopped to spew all over the place! I have NEVER saw anyone be sick as much as this guy! Went back and there was no Kal! He had disappeared. The Chinese dude said he went to Red light district. I knew where this was and didn’t like the sound that Kal was wandering on his own somewhere so went out looking for him. There was no sign, it was Dark and after around 2pm this is where Amsterdam gets dodgy. Drug dealers on every corner, and generally suspicions characters wandering around the place. I bumped into this guy named Wilson. He was a black chap on his own. He was having a look at the women in the red light district. We hung around with each other until I got bored and told him I had to go.

I headed back to the hotel and there was Kal on his bed. When I woke the next morning, Kal could not remember where he had been however had visions of a room with tiles in it..all night so we just laughed it off. ..However we were soon to find out what had happened!

We wandered down stairs and to reception and this black dude behind there shouted at us pointing at Kal saying “you you.  You’re the one that kicked in the door”. All of us were puzzled and the guy proceeded to point towards this old wood to the side of the reception desk saying that was the door Kal had kicked in. He hadn’t got a clue what he was talking about and the guy then took us to this room that KAL had kicked the door in on. He took us to this shower room where sure enough. There were tiles on the walls! Kal had basically come back to the hotel drunk looking for me and Tesh, locked himself in this shower room in the hall and then couldn’t figure out how to get out so started shouting. This black dude had head him and tried to help but Kal then got angry and started kicking the door in. It now all made sense. The black dude tried to charge us for the door (although was actually lying about the door as it was still on its hinges and in ok condition and not the wood he had claimed it was earlier on).

We went out went to the Sex Museum. This place features all about Porn and how it has grown with the ages. Watch out for the man to your right as you first walk in. His a funny flasher with his cock out!

We found this restaurant place that said “all you can eat ribs for 10 euros each”. We went in, caned a million and one spare ribs and piled all the bones on a plate. It looked like a Dinosaur skeleton!

It then got dark and so we headed to the red light district. This place is weird. Lots of windows in small alleys with “okish” looking girls. Before I went there everyone told me the women were like models, however I beg to differ. They were average! It did seem seedy as you would see cues of men outside these small rooms in the street, cueing up to have “their go” with the woman!

The rooms these women were in were very small, one bed and a Basin. You tell them what you want on the door and they tell you the price. I didn’t “participate” with sleeping with one of them as to be honest…it wasn’t for me. It was interesting to see however wouldn’t pay for it.  Some of the girls would dress up in things such as army gear etc and bang on the windows as we walked past to get our attention and “pretend” they like you.

On our way back we noticed lots of Urinals in the streets..problem is these ones you can see the piss going onto the floor – not a nice place to take ya family put it that way.

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